The Beauty of Feeling Alone

I - like many others - have spent my lifetime feeling separate and alone. This is largely due to my upbringing and my cultural background.

I was raised in the Bronx, NY to hispanic parents who chose not to teach their children Spanish. Up until the 8th grade I felt so alone and rejected from my peers.

Hispanic girls hated that I couldn't speak the language, and they made fun of my coarse hair. They made it known I was only fake-Spanish and I didn't belong with them.

My black peers made fun of me for being so light-skinned. But also they made fun of me for my complete lack of grace and coordination. I couldn't run or even walk without tripping. I couldn't dance, couldn't jump rope, could not play sports.

On top of that my parents were overprotective, and I was not able to hang out with friends socially. So what friendships I did happen to make in school- were really just pleasant acquaintances; as I was never able to fully develop any relationships during this time. On top of that my parents didn't form any relationships either. So I just lived in this solitary island with a depressed mom, absent and volatile dad, and 2 siblings that I just bounced between as necessary because they were all I had to keep from being absolutely alone all of the time.

I carried this loneliness my entire life. I carried an inability to avoid awkward social exchanges. I carried an inability to develop relationships with people I wanted to care about. I lacked the tools to work through difficulties. I decided I didn't matter and I became changeable in all situations - I can be whatever someone else likes in order to have them as a friend. 

Fast forward to being a 35 year old single mom of two in a very small city in the Midwest. I have no car nor license and because of my kid's disabilities I do not get out much. I was getting these overwhelming feelings of being completely alone. Feeling like no one cared about what I was going through. Feeling like no one wanted to be by my side and help me on my journey. It was a new low for me.

Earlier this year I had a Past Life Regression and Quantum Healing with QandAwithTheSoul.com. And the very first thing I felt as my soul left my physical existence was overwhelming excitement of being myself. Taking time to fully appreciate the beauty of myself as an unique soul not connected to the collective.

We are part of the collective, part of Source energy. Which means that we exist as a dot of energy that makes up God, or Source. The most beautiful part of having a human existence is that we get to physically "break free" from the collective in order to experience life just as ourselves. This is the only time we get to feel a separation and really explore the depth, beauty, pain, and magnificence of who we are as unique and individual souls. 

This was the first time I realized that when my human self feels lonely, my soul is feeling gratitude for the ability to separate and develop and understand itself on a level it would never be able to if it was connected to the collective at all times. 

So please know that your loneliness is necessary, and although you may not feel this now, it is a coveted and beautiful experience. It is an experience that cannot be duplicated anywhere else in the universe. And this is part of the reason you are here! To separate and give yourself the opportunity to experience life as your true self. To shine as your true self. To grow even further as your true self. To find a deeper understanding of who you are as a soul.

I hope that when times get hard you can remind yourself of this, like I do!

Sending you so much love on your journey!

Larissa 

Your Soul Guide